By Kirsty Chestnutt
Ahhhh, the very word conjures up an array of images — Madonna, married men who fuck men in public toilets on the weekend, luscious threesomes, daggy middle-aged former straights who sit around in support meetings. Sometimes I wonder why I identify this way and don't just settle for something innocuous like het or lesbian, depending with who I am seeing/sleeping with at the time. I would have more exciting role models at least.
However, I feel a certain obligation to be out as a bisexual woman. There seem to be so few of us about, and certainly very few around my tender age. I want to stand up and shout, "I'm bi! I know it's a daggy term, but I am what I am!". I want people to know that we are here, and queer, and to ensure the end of anti-bisexual discrimination in my lifetime! I want to fight for bisexual issues!
Hang on a tick. Bisexual issues? What the fuck are bisexual issues?
A while ago I tried to answer this question. It wasn't obvious to me what I should be fighting for or against. When I have been involved in bisexual forums, I have heard comments such as, "Bisexuals face discrimination from both the straight and gay and lesbian communities" and "Bisexuals are blamed for the spread of HIV" and "Most people think that bisexuals are only misfits who can't make up their minds". At first I thought that everyone must hate me because I am bisexual.
The more I thought about myself and my experience (as a very out queer), the more I thought that this wasn't true. I must say that I have not found anyone who thought any less of me simply because I was bisexual, not anyone who mattered anyway. I have been brave enough to be out and face the consequences — strangely enough, there haven't been any.
The conclusion I came to after reviewing these facts was rather interesting and I hope a little short-sighted. Quite frankly, the one real "issue" facing bisexuals as a group (we're hardly a community) that I could find is bisexual invisibility. This is not to say that bisexuals don't have many things to fight for because of our sexuality, but bisexual invisibility is the one thing that is "ours".
Let me explain. Bisexuals have to combat homophobia on a day-to-day basis, but that is not because we are bisexual, but rather because some part of our lives involves feelings for members of the same sex, the exercise of which can lead to homophobic reaction. We also fight for the rights of same sex couples, not because we are bisexual per se, but because we may be involved in a same sex relationship at some time.
Why should this be a problem? Shouldn't I be happy that bisexuals are not directly targeted?
Well yes, it is nice that I can walk down a suburban street with a girlfriend and be called a "fucking dyke" rather than a "bloody bisexual", or go into a cafe on Oxford Street with a boyfriend and be thought of as a "breeder" rather than a "fence sitter". But the fact that people assume is big enough of a problem for me.
This invisibility is the one thing that bisexuals can fight against as bisexuals. When I first came out at 17, a number of people said that I was the first bisexual they knew. How bizarre: I thought we were everywhere.
Maybe this invisibility is caused by the lack of identifiable "bisexual" symbols. Besides wearing a yin-yang (a dubious symbol, to say the least) there is no real way to impart non-verbally that one is bi. I have taken to wearing my freedom rings 90% of the time so that people don't assume that I am straight. But then should I go to pains to make clear that I am not lesbian either? Should one be more ashamed of being perceived as straight than gay?
Another reason could be the relatively daggy image of bisexuals. Why be bi when you can be cool and gay or a Newtown dyke? I am one of the many who eschews the term bi for this reason, and I often prefer queer as an identifying statement (the politics of which I am not even going to touch).
There are a number of other problems facing bisexuals, and queerdom in general would be well served by an upsurge in bi activity. There is still a lot of education to do to show that bisexuality is a valid option and not something people should be ashamed of.
So all I can say is that bisexuals should come out of the closet, come up with a communal name (I'm sick of saying I'm bisexual. Do you ever hear a dyke/fag/poofter/lesbo/queen say I'm homosexual?) and stand up. Stop thinking we are oppressed and just be bi (ugh) and proud. Scream, "We're here and we are hip!" until you actually believe it.
Well, I don't believe it yet, but I'm working on it.