And I should know
Take your everyday unemployed person. Now there's a sight! Round shouldered, pig ignorant, doesn't know chalk from cheese.
And surly! You wouldn't believe how surly! And they wonder why they can't get a job. According to them, the world owes them a living.
"Oh, excuse me! We 'umbly beg your pardon. Ever so sorry to interrupt your day. Perhaps some other time when you're feeling more like it?"
Be damned! What a load of old codswallop! That's not how it's supposed to be! — and I should know.
You get nothing in this world unless you work for it. Someone needs to face up to facts around here: there's no such thing as a free lunch!
There's no truer word is there? Nothing's free in this world. So when we're talking unemployment, we're not about to cry crocodile tears over a few statistics.
What we really need to recognise is that we're not talking about the unemployed so much but the unemployable — a bunch of illiterate bums (pardon my French). And there's a world of difference.
Facts are hard things. And facing them can sometimes hurt. But it's facts that tell us what's true and what's not true in this world.
Watch my lips: no-one wants to employ an illiterate nincompoop. There, I've said it! I make no excuses. If they're unemployed it's their fault — and I should know.
I'm trying to tell it the way it is: unless these desolate youth pick up their own socks, no-one's going to do it for them. It's time we told them that if they want a job — I mean really want a job — then go back to basics. If you can't read or write or add up two and two, quite frankly, we don't want you in our market place. You're not just unemployed, you're history — and I should know.
In tough times, someone needs to talk tough. In tough times, someone must act accordingly. In times like these you learn what must be done.
So all you bums out there, you're on notice. There'll be no more pussyfooting about. Shape up or ship out. The people without work we want to see in this country are people who function in the absence of a current engagement, albeit temporarily. Maybe they are unemployed, but that's a short-lived state of affairs, very short-lived, because they are motivated. Maybe the next job's got their name on it, and they'll climb hell and high water to get it.
That's the spirit we want to see in this country: a will to win despite the competition. That's what got us where we are today — and I should know, 'cause I'm the prime minister.
By Dave Riley