Life of Riley: Counting the dead reds

August 7, 1996
Issue 

Life of Riley

Counting the dead reds

A census (cacah jiwa) is the only practical way to get information on how many people there are in each part of a country, what they do and how they live.

Do not use tricks. Please answer all the questions for every person, unless the form asks you not to. The government of Indonesia asks you to take your time. The information you provide will build up a statistical picture — or stock take — of our archipelago.

Household form

1. Is the person male or female?
2. What is the person's religious denomination?
3. Is the person, or has the person ever been, a member of a communist (komunis) organisation?

As you see the questions are simple and direct. Our nation's various faiths depend on the census to provide them with accurate information on the numbers of people of their religion in various parts of the country. The answers to these questions will also help in planning military services and help all of us better understand the terrible changes now taking place which threaten the five basic principles of our great republic (Pancasila).

Ever since we won our independence (kemerdekaan!) from the Dutch (Belanda), ideas from all over the world have come to live and breed in our 17,000 islands. An understanding of the minds of our people is essential in developing policies and services which reflect the needs of our government.

The 1964 census — it was an estimate actually — indicated that at least four out of every 10 people in Indonesia were influenced by communist ideas. To plan for the future it is important to know how many communists we killed off in the years since then as, quite frankly, we do not know.*

In 1965 we sent the Indonesian Bureau of Statistik to keep score in Bali. Then your government was not as efficient as it is now, so all the statisticians could do was count the corpses as they floated down the rivers.

The answer to these census questions will provide valuable information about how many komunis still need to be killed off before we can banish these traitorous ideas from our islands.

When the census person collects the completed form, he or she will scan it to ensure you have not missed any questions. If you are worried about the collector seeing your completed form, you needn't be. So long as the information is correct our collector will not need to ask about you at the neighbour's house.

If you have any difficulty filling out this form please telephone the Census Hotline on (Jakarta) 145 980 and we will be pleased to protect your privacy if you have anything to tell us about the political activities of the people next door.

*Your government apologises for this statistical tardiness, but with 180 million Indonesians to look after it is easy to mislay a few komunis. Did we kill off only 500,000 of them or was it more? Terima Kasih (Thankyou).

Dave Riley

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