Life of Riley: It was I
Just the other day I went for a walk. It was my lunchtime. The sun was shining, and the cold wind which normally blows from the south had dropped. Under my arm I carried a ration of all the main food groups.
After walking some distance, I ate my sandwiches. Then I strode forth, this time with an orange in my hand. I juggled the fruit from left to right and right to left. I threw it into the air above me, then caught it.
I was enjoying myself so much on my walk.
Suddenly I came to a halt at a big wall. This wall was much higher than me, even higher than my orange at the crest of its upward flight. On this wall was a sign which read: Embassy of the United States of America. Hours: 9pm-5pm Mon-Thur. 10am-6pm Fri. Other Times: by appointment only.
I don't know what came over me; without thinking, I hurled my orange over that wall. There was a sound of breaking glass so I quickly turned and fled.
Yes, it was I who broke the window in the Embassy of the United States of America. I am very sorry that I did. Now the whole world knows.
I did not realise the consequences of my action. I didn't know that the government of the United States of America would start a war on my account. I didn't mean for that to happen. It was only a broken window, for Christ's sake! When I get my next pay cheque, I'll pay for it, honest!
I feel terrible about all this. I'm usually such an upright citizen. But what's done is done. I'll have to pay for my crime. That seems fair enough. An eye for an orange.
The Embassy of the United States of America has demanded vengeance, so it looks like I'm for it. Soon I am sure to be blown to kingdom come. I just thought I ought to tell you all before the missiles next go off.
But there is something else you should know. Get out! Clear the area! When the government of the United States of America comes after me, don't get caught up in the fracas. I'm bad news. I don't want your deaths on my conscience. I'm feeling guilty enough as it is.
So would you kindly vacate the neighbourhood and leave me to face the music alone. I'd appreciate that.
By Dave Riley