'Dear Abby'
By Brandon Astor Jones
While reading one of the USA's most widely read advice columns, I came across a piece entitled "Guidelines for Men." The contents made me happy and sad, both at once. At age 51, I, like most men who have adult daughters, feel more than a little uneasy when I hear men half my age declare that if they get married they will "never wash dishes, iron clothes or change diapers".
One of my daughters is happily married and the other one, much like the women referred to in the column, is not interested in marriage. But I have magnificent grand-daughters who, not unlike beautiful flowers rising to greet the noonday sun, are blooming and unfolding from adolescence into the splendour of intellectual and physical young womanhood. I struggle with the very real possibility that one of them could become involved with a young man who, for whatever reason, thinks he is somehow above washing dishes, ironing and/or changing diapers.
The young man in the column wrote despairingly that he could not find a young woman to wed because all of those he had encountered did not wish to marry. He said their reasons, unstated but clearly articulated in other unmistakable ways, were that, generally speaking, men tend to want little more from than sex and/or live-in maids from a marriage.
Then, knowing that he was not one of those selfish men, he presented a list that potential "Mr Rights" might well subscribe to. I was so impressed by it I felt the need to present it here. I will share this list with my grand-daughters as well, and I will try to impress upon them that such young men do, indeed, exist. We can all thank Abigail Van Buren for printing it:
"1. Respect her philosophies, goals and ideals. She has a brain.
2. Talk with her, not at her. Don't boss her around.
3. Ask for her advice and opinions. Be a good listener.
4. Be honest. Apologise for mistakes.
5. Give her space. Don't be a control freak. Let her spend time with other friends.
6. Be sensitive to her problems.
7. Don't call her names. Never hit her. Treat her with respect, caring and trust.
8. Don't compete with her. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man seeing a woman who has more education and a more prestigious job.
9. Do fun things together. Don't bore her.
10. Should you meet that special someone and the two of you marry, I want to add these two cents:
A. A wife is not a housekeeper. You need to get off the couch and cook, clean and do laundry.
B. Should the two of you desire children, you should help raise them: change diapers, clean up, feed them, get up in the middle of the night.
C. Never force your wife to have sex. 'No' means no."
[The writer is a prisoner on death row in the United States. He is happy to receive letters commenting on his columns. He can be written to at: Brandon Astor Jones, EF-122216, G2-51, GD&CC, PO Box 3877, Jackson, GA 30233, USA.]