A friend's trustA friend's trust
By Brandon Astor Jones
"A friend ... is someone who knows where you've been, and where you hope to go — accepts all, and encourages you to grow." — Laura Seddon (d. 1895)
BAJ: What is your name?
AD: Anthony Dillard.
BAJ: Okay. Trust. Tell me Ant', do you trust anyone?
AD: As a black man, it's hard for me to trust, as a prisoner it's almost impossible for me to trust, but as Anthony Dillard I need and want to trust.
BAJ: I think I understand, but a reader may not. Can you clarify what you mean?
AD: As a black man, I have not forgiven this country for 400 years of slavery, and deep down inside I believe that they [bigots] want us back in that position as soon as possible. Prisoners distrust each other for the same reasons slaves distrusted: house slaves versus field slaves. I know that if there is no trust, there can be no forgiveness. I, more than anyone, need a second chance at freedom.
BAJ: Have you got anyone who cares on the outside, Ant' — someone who trusts you like a brother or a close platonic lady friend?
AD: Women jump ship as soon as they see a man is on his way to prison. There are some exceptions, but for the most part everyone sees us as lost causes. If some of them would just take the time to know some of us who have been in prison for five or 10 years, it would go a long way in improving that lack of trust between us.
BAJ: You want to add something to that, that I think you have not come out and said?
AD: Well, I for one have never had a platonic relationship with a woman. See, when I came to prison, I did not know that was possible. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. I have come to realise and appreciate that women are much more than merely "the opposite sex". I never knew that I could trust someone. I mean, how can you trust someone if you don't know them?
BAJ: You know, Ant', in order to deserve a friend, you need to be able to forgive and be a friend. Are you ready to be a friend — a friend worthy of someone's forgiveness and trust?
AD: I ask myself those same questions every day I open my eyes and look at these bars. The answer is that I see prison as a means to an end. I am paying my debt to society for violating its trust. When I am released, that debt will be paid, and I should be forgiven — not because I ask for forgiveness but because now I know I am worthy of society's and any potential friend's trust.
[The writer is a prisoner in the United States. He welcomes letters commenting on his columns. He can be written to at: Brandon Astor Jones, Georgia State Prison, HCO1, Reidsville, GA 30453, USA. For the first time in 17 years, Brandon has the real hope of his sentence of death being mitigated. If you can help by contributing to his defence fund or in other ways, please contact Australians Against Executions, PO Box 640, Milson's Point NSW 2061. Phone (02) 9955 1731, fax 9427 9489. Cheques can be made payable to "Brandon Astor Jones Defence Fund".]