By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
Films banned for inciting violence
Following allegations that Oliver Stone's new film, Natural Born Killers, is inspiring murders, there is a call for a wide range of films and television programs to be banned.
The controversy over Natural Born Killers is extended when a popcorn sales girl in Waco, Texas, shoot up the cinema with an assault rifle,, during a late night screening of the film.
The film is immediately banned in Scandinavia, where the cartoon Power Rangers had already been blamed for the death of a young girl. The film is also banned in Australia along with several other films.
Priscilla — Queen of the Desert is banned after a delegation of Dubbo Rotarians crashes their bus while 15 senior members are on the roof in drag.
And the ABC's Bananas in Pyjamas is taken off the air after two pre-schoolers bludgeon their grandmother to death and wrap her in banana skins.
Kuwaiti model for Australian farmers
A National Party fact-finding return from the Middle East with what they claim is the economic and political solution for drought-ravaged rural Australia.
The delegation spent extensive time in Kuwait and say that they witnessed there the model for economic prosperity in a dry, harsh climate.
They propose that Australia adopt the Kuwaiti system of democracy, whereby only the richest 10% of landowners are entitled to vote, dissension is punishable, women are veiled and kept out of matters of state, and all primary producers receive large grants from the USA and Arab countries.
Downer releases political memoirs
In an effort to cash in on the current popularity of political memoirs, opposition leader Alexander Downer releases his political memoirs in time for Christmas.
The book details the story of his life, and is promoted as "naming names" and "revealing the secret side of Alexander Downer".
However, the book is largely a reworking of "The Things that Matter", mixed with Reagan-esque homilies and motivational quotations — very much like a Liberal Party policy document. With no sex, scandal or muck-racking, the book is a huge flop.