By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
Pope approves condom use
The pope publicly declares that Roman Catholics may use condoms. The shock announcement is seen by many as the Vatican's response to the wide-spread criticism the Catholic Church received at the Cairo world population conference.
The pope later clarifies his decree that it is permissible for Catholic men to wear condoms, by saying that this applies only while they are not having sex.
Kidnapping boom in South-East Asia
Following increased media attention given to the Khmer Rouge's kidnapping of Western tourists, there is a boom in kidnapping right across Asia.
Tourists from Singapore to Lahore are marched into the jungle at gunpoint and not released until either a ransom is paid or they get their pictures on CNN.
Some rebel groups are reported to have been employing Italian consultants to assist in their kidnapping. This rumour seems to be supported by the large number of kidnappers with credit card facilities.
Even the Burmese Department of Tourism gets in on the act, kidnapping 17 Swiss Rotarians, and demanding a charter flight to Majorca, with two weeks' accommodation, for the entire cabinet.
The crisis is averted by Australia's quick-thinking foreign minister, Gareth Evans. He offers to take the place of a bus load of drunken Australians, kidnapped from their Kontiki bus trip in Borneo. The rebels let the hostages go and accuse the Australian government of making unreasonable threats.
Bob Hawke discovers religion
After going underground following poor sales and worldwide disinterest in his memoirs, Bob Hawke re-emerges in a saffron robe, declaring he has found spiritual enlightenment.
Going on national television, Bob says he has see the error of his ways, and through strict sexual and alcoholic abstinence has been able to suppress his ego and let his natural spirit free.
Citing the works of numerous Californian yogis, Bob says the secret to a happy life is poverty and spiritual contentment — but that Paul Keating is bringing Australia to only one of these.
He soon becomes a regular in the Parliament House visitors' gallery where he is ejected at least once a week during sitting time for abusing the prime minister, calling out parables on enlightenment and selling religious tracts to visitors.