Based on highly reliable international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of political events across the globe.
Mad cow disease in royal family
Queen Elizabeth II declares that the recent spate of absurd sexual behaviour amongst the royal family was due to mad cow disease crossing over into the family.
She says, in a public statement read out at half-time during a match of the popular TV show International Gladiators, that it is well known that the royal family consume vast quantities of roast beef and it is likely that they have contracted the disease.
She also says that the royal family should therefore be treated as victims in need of public support rather than blaming them for the slow disintegration of the monarchy.
Prime Minister John Major says that he had heard the rumours about mad cow disease and the royal family, but that he had not believed them until he saw the queen, dressed in a silver leotard, racing the US International Gladiator contender, Ice, up "the pyramid".
Howard suggests mad cow strain in Australia
Following revelations that a strain of mad cow disease has mutated and infected the British royal family, Australian Prime Minister John Howard asks the CSIRO to investigate a possible strain in Australia.
He accuses the Australian Democrats of being infected with mad mandate disease, in persisting to promise to block the one-third sale of Telstra.
Mad dictator disease in China
Following the quarantine of all members of the Australian Democrats, the Chinese government accuses Taiwanese leaders of being infected with mad democracy disease, and says that all infected persons should be isolated by the World Health Organisation and put down. It even volunteers elite members of the Chinese army to assist.
The Taiwanese government accuses the Chinese government of being infected with mad dictator disease. It offers as evidence Deng Xiaoping's efforts to secure a place as a contender on International Gladiators.