The week that was
By Kevin Healy
A week when the Victorian government upset the business community by allowing its social just principles to run riot. In order to save jobs for the undeserving bludging class, it imposed huge cost increases on the bludging class, decided to slash lots of bludging jobs and cut services for bludging people so that the private sector could do what the private sector does best — make profits.
Naturally the threat of slashing trillions of public jobs in order to stimulate the economy received a pretty ordinary reception from the appropriate unions. As one official said when asked about union reaction to the cuts, "We won't like you know like take this like lying down. No, no. We'll like take it standing up." Asked what the unions will do about it, he spoke with anger and commitment: "We'll like you know like huff and we'll like you know like puff."
Premier Joanny Learner, in announcing the hard but fair measures required of the bludging class to pay for the fact that the government had lost all our money, said she wouldn't sell off all the family jewels. "Only those that will make money for our very good friends in the private sector and ultimately be losses through lack of regular income in the public coffers", she explained in the economically responsible manner for which this government is now so famous. "Who'd want to buy our run-down schools, our run-down hospitals? No, we can't save there by selling them — we'll just have to take the hard but fair and responsible decision and cut those services out. I believe the people of Victoria understand and will support us on these very fair measures which spread the burden of paying for our massive losses on those sections of the community who ought to and always do pay for these things."
Fortunately, despite attacks on the mini-budget by the opposition, by week's end the government and opposition had been able to agree 100% on one piece of legislation — wage rises of up to $130 a week for themselves. "These are times when quite clearly we have to be responsible in the interests of all Victorians", Jeff Footinmouth explained.
But responsibility — a word I'm using regularly these days — was thrown to the iniquitous winds of savagery and pagan superstition when the government threw out a perfectly good proposal for mining Coronation Hill. As Michelle Ingratiate and other very clever and knowledgeable commentators pointed out, we are a secular society and silly religious beliefs shouldn't stand in the way of progress and investment and development and job creation and profit. Asked what would happen if the sacred god of profit and progress and job creation were to clash with the right to explore for minerals under St Paul's or St Patrick's sacred sites, Michelle and the gang explained that this was nonsense: "Those genuine sacred sites are protected by legislation introduced years ago".
Fortunately, reason may return to policy making this week when the governing party looks at its most unreasonable uranium policy. It seems industry and the party agree the two/three mine policy is ridiculous and ought to be scrapped. Fancy that: industry wanting to ban uranium mining altogether. It shows they really do care about the environment.