A work for the dole funding submission
Dear Prime Minister,
Now that the Liberal Party is back in power, we feel we are writing to an old friend. After all, it was the Liberal Party that used the Fightback document to draw attention to "the army of the jobless".
Thank you for calling tenders for your exciting labour market initiative. On behalf of the General Command of the Unemployed Workers Army (UWA), I propose your government contract out to the UWA the entire responsibility for running the work for the dole scheme.
1. Background
Many times you have suggested that private organisations do things more efficiently than government. Our offer presents you with a chance to make your government much smaller. The General Command recognises that some academics suggest that small governments are for people with small minds, but we insist you maintain your resolve.
The General Command understands that your government considers the concept of social justice to be entirely outmoded, preferring instead the concept of social equity. We question whether the Liberal Party secretariat and your public service mandarins have led you to a far too narrow interpretation of the potential of social equity.
Invariably, government pronouncements have attempted to delineate an equity between the treatment of unemployed Australians and their working-class comrades. This has led your employment minister, Salamander Vanstone, to suggest that unemployment benefits have to be set at a low level to prevent any disincentive to engage in paid labour and that minimum wage levels should be lowered to increase job opportunities.
The General Command insists that such a narrow interpretation of social equity is divisive and has to be replaced with a fully elaborated definition in which the most socially and financially advantaged have to come to an equitable distribution with all other Australians.
Our competitors will no doubt present cheaper tenders to run your program. Some may be able to run programs in several towns, but none have our capacity to ensure the work for the dole program will work everywhere simultaneously. If we are selected, your government will be able to justly claim it has revolutionised labour market programs.
2. The essence of our proposal
The UWA will take all people without jobs and provide them with the skills necessary to live in a truly egalitarian society.
The General Command recognises that present-day Australia could not be described as a caring and sharing society. In order to ensure that the newly developed skills are valued and utilised, the UWA will proceed immediately to tear down the superstructure of inequality which has developed in this country.
We note that your government has made much of the notion of reciprocal responsibility. In some societies such ideas have been taken to mean that the government has an obligation to ensure that unemployed people and others experiencing disadvantage are assisted to maintain a dignified life. The UWA intends to forcibly assist reactionary institutions in our country to come to a similar understanding.
3. Technical features of the application
The General Command has noted with interest your government's concentration on restrictive work practices and can assure you that work practices will not be restrictive once the UWA has managed to put its agenda in place.
Rather, employment will be a liberating experience designed to promote mutual respect amongst all workers. Workers will be encouraged to continually upgrade their skills, to develop an equitable balance between their home and working lives. Work will become a fulfilling and enjoyable experience for all.
We will be happy to work with you in abolishing unfair dismissal laws and replacing them with fair dismissal laws underpinned by natural justice overseen by workers councils.
We will also be happy to induct the Right Honourables Reith and Kemp into our work practices re-education program immediately.
The UWA has long experience of the disruption caused by racism. Of late, you yourself have had to deal with Pauline Hanson's anti-Asian outbursts and the wealthy land-holders' response to the High Court's Wik judgement, so you fully understand how easy it is to make a mess of it when you are inherently racist.
The UWA will ensure that all participants fully understand Australia's history of genocide against the indigenous peoples of this land. The General Command will insist that all participants are non-racist and behave in a spirit of reconciliation. We would appreciate it if Senators Minchin and Herron could be made available to knit black arm bands for our Australian history classes.
4. Budget
The cost of our proposal is not insignificant in that it will require a substantial up-front payment to equip participants in the scheme.
We also need to ensure, as far as possible, the safety of the participants. We predict that, initially, due to inadequate citizenship training, many reactionaries will cling resolutely to outmoded concepts like private property ownership. Such forces have in the past behaved in an exceedingly violent manner towards troops of the UWA and until they have had the opportunity to become politically re-educated, they are likely to continue to behave antisocially.
For this reason the General Command insists that all citizens be given an embellishment allowance to enable their clothes to be embroidered with their Medicare number to facilitate their treatment at hospitals.
Alongside the cost of the UWA's work for the dole program, the potential savings such a scheme would allow must be considered.
Presently, Australia is spending $10 billion annually on its defence forces. This has shown itself to be a waste of money; the defence forces have not even been able to free our East Timorese comrades from their subjugation by the Javanese junta. The UWA will take over all functions exercised by the defence forces.
In conclusion, on behalf of the General Command of the UWA, I thank you for taking the time to read our proposal and look forward to discussing it with you in greater detail shortly.
Serial No. 9873456K
Unemployed Workers Army