For Diane's sake
Abigail Van Buren, whose real name is Pauline Friedman Phillips, is a full-time homemaker, mother and grandmother, author of six best-sellers. Since 1956, I have considered her to be one of the best and most read advice columnists in the United States.
Recently, I wrote in this column of a young woman who has been, and may even continue to be, the victim of physical abuse. I say that she "may continue to be" such a victim because I do not hear from her any more, nor do I know her new address in Australia. In that column I called here "Diane" (not her real name). I hope she is no longer a victim. Last week I read "Dear Abby" in the Marietta Daily Journal's July 7, 1996, issue.
In that column a woman wrote of her experiences with abuse, and she shared a poem that was, and is, an integral part of her recovery process. She signed off as "Healing in Minnesota". So then, I am going to share that poem here, for Diane's sake. The poem is titled "After a while" and was written by Veronica Shoffstall:
After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and sharing a life
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security
and loneliness is universal.
And you learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your hope on today
as the future has a way of falling apart in mid-flight
because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans
yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path
toward the promise of a brighter dawn.
And you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and nourish your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that love, true love,
always has joys and sorrows
seems ever present, yet is never quite the same
becoming more love and less than love
so difficult to define.
And you learn that through it all
you really are strong
that you do have value
and you learn and grow
with every goodbye
you learn.
[The writer is a prisoner on death row in the United States. He is happy to answer letters commenting on his columns. He can be written to at: Brandon Astor Jones, EF-122216, G2-51, GD&CC, PO Box 3877, Jackson, GA 30233, USA. Australians Against Executions is raising funds to pay for a lawyer for Brandon's resentencing trial. So far more than $7000 has been raised. If you can help, please make cheques payable to the Brandon Astor Jones Defence Account and post to 10 Palara Place, Dee Why NSW 2099. Donations to the Brandon Astor Jones Defence Account may also be made at any Commonwealth Bank, account No. 2127 1003 7638.]