A one notion nationl = A one notion nation
CHAIRSHEEP: Fellow ruminants! When I look out upon so many upturned faces I'm proud of what I am. I'm a sheep, godamit! A ram! A ewe! A hogget! A two-tooth! I'm a little lamb gambolling in the sun! I'm a Sunday roast and a warm cardigan on a winter's day. I'm a pair of mittens. A baby's blanket. I am I. I am ewe. I am Ovis aries — I am sheep! Hear me ROAR!
[Interjection: "Baaa! Baaa! Baaa!"]
Hear me roar, my fellow ruminants — roar in numbers too big to IG-NORE!
[Frenzied bleating.]
Today, 126 million of our comrades kiss the grasses of this dry brown land, browsing verdant patches on its ruddy surface from sun up to sun down.
That's a lot of sheep.
We know its every nook and cranny. We trust in its vegetables. We nourish its soil with our excrement.
Such is our legacy — a sheep's legacy.
This land is our land. This land is my land. This land was made for you and me.
But what do we see? This parcel of earth which was bequeathed to us so that others may enjoy our flesh and fibre is now under savage attack. As I speak, armies of two legged invaders are mustering on our borders. Black men and women — bipeds who are a minority even among their own humankind — are challenging respectable domesticated white ruminants such as ourselves for the right of access to our land.
Comrades: everything we hold dear — our way of life, the traditional clicking of the proverbial shears, docking and dipping, the jollity of jumbucks ... our very sheepishness — is under attack.
In this our darkest hour, I ask you to keep your head up from the meal at your feet a moment longer and do a very sheepish thing. Follow me. Do what I say; do as I do.
We sheep know that there is safety in numbers. We stick together. That's our strength. But when there are 126 million of us we need be shy no longer.I say: Stand up and be counted. We are the silent majority.
[Rapturous baaing.]
Enough! Bleating is not enough. It's time to turn a baa into a bark. It's time we sheep got organised. It's time we turned the flock into a pack.
Be proud to be a sheep — that's what I say. Walk tall on cloved hooves ... and come join RAMS — the Regenerate Australia Movement with Sheep.
Must we share our pastures with cattle? There's 27 million of them taking the very food from our mouths. RAMS says: No to cows. Bovines are bad.
Must we share our pastures with black bipeds? They're holding us to ransom. RAMS says: We want none of that. Fence them out and keep us in.
RAMS also demands the return of the Wool Marketing Board and the guaranteed bale price.
RAMS wants one nation — a white, fluffy, gambolling, lambkin of a nation, frequently crutched and dipped. A fleecy lined, cosy nation resting on but one notion, so that ours is a one notion nation riding on a sheep's back.
["Baa. Baa. Baa."]
By Dave Riley
Email: dhell@ozemail.com.au.