One consequence of increasing hot air, which rarely rates a mention amongst the reports on droughts and tempests, is the unseasonably early arrival of hordes of roly-poly men in red and white suits at shopping centres all across the globe. Attracted by monotonous tunes blaring from public address systems, these men are accompanied by teams of little helpers and sales assistants, tempting and harassing innocent passers-by.
A number of theories seek to explain why they behave and congregate in the way they do. Is it a mixture of cool nights accompanied by long, warm days? Is it sparked by the onset of daylight saving? Is it the cheap aftershave on special at K-Mart?
The theory backed by the greatest amount of scientific evidence, however, claims that abrupt climatic changes are not a determining factor for the Santa plague. Rather, years of alienation and isolation have resulted in elderly men adopting personae making them vulnerable to manipulative and exploitative business people and shop owners.
This phenomenon manifests itself not only amongst lonely old men. The low immunity of young children makes them particularly susceptible, resulting in uncontrollable bouts of advertisement-driven hysteria in major shopping malls.
The temperament of even the most rational person is put to the test by the "spirit of good will" we are supposed to share for a few weeks over the Xmas period. This sharing of good will, though, is not applied by the world's leaders and their capitalist friends to eliminate poverty, environmental destruction and militarisation. That would upset the profit-making apple cart too much.
This silly season, why not surprise a friend with a subscription to Green Left Weekly? Give them some inspiration and relief they will be glad to receive.
Imagine the pleased look on their face when they find a copy of Green Left Weekly in the letter box amongst the catalogues and advertisements for junk that they don't need. Show you care and respect their sensibilities, and take advantage of the special offer on page 23.
Green Left Weekly — it's your newspaper.