G'day
Straight off I need to apologise. Regular visitors and the occasional tourist to this column have come to expect a certain sarcasm emanating from this printed space. I am what is often referred to locally as a professional knocker. That doesn't make me proud — it is merely part of my job description and CV. If we were to dress up my role a smidgin, I could pass as a commentator. My task is to source witty commentary in the political process. So you would expect that I would have something to say about the Olympic Games.
However, before I proceed, I need to justify myself. Those among you who think the games are the ant's pants need to realise that, as Jerry Rubin once said, sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Men and women running, jumping and taking performance enhancing substances make for great TV. You gotta admit that: in thought and movement how express and admirable. And what about those ideals! Aren't they something!
So when the Olympic organisers tack on a bit of a show to celebrate indigenous Australians, you gotta give credit where credit is due. For all of 60,000 years Aborigines have been waiting for an opportunity such as this to go live to the whole world. It's a pity more of them aren't still with us.
Wouldn't you be real miffed if you went and hanged yourself last week in a lockup somewhere? If you'd only hung on a bit longer, you could be playing lead in the greatest show on earth. It's all very nice to go merge with the Dreamtime, but folk were paying good money to watch your mob put on a song and dance.
It just goes to show you how much Australia appreciates its black brethren. Nowadays you can't put on a show unless you slot in a bit of cultural this or that from the local tribes. People have come to expect it. It's like fireworks or fairy floss. An Olympic Games down under without a few didgeridoos wouldn't seem right.
And didn't the local mob do a great job! I thought the bare chests added just that touch of spice. You know what I mean? It was exotic and indigenous at the same time!
It all goes to show how far this country has gone along the road to reconciliation. When it comes to having a party, we invite everyone — so long as they're not in prison. The jobs, the land rights, the health funding: all that will come in good time. But for the moment we want the world to know that when it comes to black skin, we stand by the home-grown product every time. Golly, they're our favourite Aborigines in the whole wide world!
In an era of globalisation, you gotta stand by your own. The world may have its niggers, redskins, rock apes, chinks, wogs, pakis, gyppos and the like, but when it comes to race, Australia prefers a boong any day of the week.
And when you've got it, you flaunt it!
BY DAVE RILEY
<http://www.ozemail.com.au/~dhell>