By Kevin Healy
A week when the nation crashed to a halt, and the back-seat passenger, our Great And Beloved Prime Minister Nuclear Hawke himself, was last seen flying through the front window past the drivers — Sir Peter Abeles-to-get-the-government's-ear, Lord Kerry of Waterhouse et al — and disappearing into the Indian Ocean.
It was a week when truth and religion were clearly and theologically defined. The government's resident chaplain and deputy socialist, Brian Hoo, explained in his inimitable and exciting style the meaning of life as it relates to honesty and truth. "Politicians uh", he said, "uh must tell the truth to the people all the time that is uh they must tell what they know to be the truth uh that is they must tell as much of the known truth as they uh believe the people can uh absorb uh without knowing what deals are uh done in the back room uh if indeed uh deals are done in the uh back room with uh factional colleagues or uh non-factional colleagues or uh union colleagues or uh business colleagues or uh our American friend colleagues or uh any other people with whom uh politicians have uh deep and meaningful uh theological relationships so uh what I'm saying is uh we must always tell the people all the bits we uh want to tell the people which must uh be the truth uh less the other uh bits like uh what we uh really intend to uh do. And uh god bless you all and uh never forget uh truth will uh out. It should uh it's been out uh around here for a uh long time."
The Reverend Hoo was supported by another socialist selection for parliament, the non-reverend Little Johnny Buttons 'n' Bows. "Everyone knows politicians never tell the truth", he said. "We've all heard election speeches."
"Then how can we believe you when you say politicians never tell the truth?", the people asked.
"I'm a politician, aren't I?", he replied indignantly.
Meanwhile, the government and trade union movement were suggesting the time had come for Accord Mark 186. "The other 185 have been highly successful. None of them have been implemented. Workers are still trying to obtain wage increases under Accord Mark 1, Accord Mark 2, Accord Mark 3 and Accord Mark Etc", the workers' great leader Martin Cliche explained. "This way at the end of the day when the sun sets when all is said and done when the dust has settled when anyway workers will have made another major sacrifice and helped this economy toward recovery. We are sick of making all the sacrifices. We are not
going to do this for too many more accords."
Business leader Ian Spikethem and new treasurer John Carin-for-them issued a joint statement pointing out that recovery now seemed to be further away than ever. "It's apparent", Spikethem said, "that workers just haven't made enough sacrifices".
"Look, we are prepared to cooperate as long as everyone is sharing the burden", Cliche said. Assured by Spikethem that all workers were sharing the burden, Cliche agreed to another important step toward national economic recovery.