I'm going to use a word you never thought I'd use. I'll be describing something that can get you arrested. I'm going to tell you the dirtiest word you'll hear. It's filthy!
Remember, you didn't read it here — not in this column, nor in the page opposite. If it comes to an issue, we'll blame the editor. I snuck it in during his day off.
I have to use it. Just don't tell my mum. The word is — I have to use it and be done with it. I'm sick of bottling it up inside me.
"Strike!"
I can't believe I did it. It slipped out. But I feel much better for it. But that's the word: strike.
Maybe some of you are thinking: what's he on about — "strike" is not a dirty word.
Oh yeah! Tell that to workers in this country. "S.t.r.i.k.e" is no longer a word to be used in mixed company, like when bosses are present. Australian labour now watches its language and minds its manners.
A memo has come down from the ACTU and along with poof, sheila and wog, the "s" word is no longer to be employed in "a threatening or abusive manner". Class business is to be conducted in such a style as not to affront minority groups in the workplace — such as employers.
Str*king, like f*cking, is an activity best not referred to in such coarse terms. Lovemaking is OK; so too is consultative process. An employee may do lunch, haggle, negotiate, bargain or talk shop with an employer, but to withdraw one's labour is a faux pas and is sure to ruin the mood. The modern trade unionist is advised to mind his or her language, speak only when spoken to and apply oneself to ongoing workplace reform. Good manners such as these are sure to pay off, and you may even get to keep your job.
The ACTU originally planned to mark this new age of politeness by changing its name to the Retired Strikers' League, or RSL, but Bruce Ruxton strongly objected to the encroachment into his territory, so the ACTU executive decided to bury the past instead. Only foul-mouthed veterans of old class wars remember how to swear like troopers.
The verb to strike is no longer to be employed except in the past — preferably historical — tense. Reference to it in the first person plural will also not be tolerated. Statements like "we strike" or "we will strike" are simply bad English and should be reworked through ongoing dispute settling procedures.
Doing it or threatening to do it in front of the rest of the workplace community is simply bad form: need I remind you that there are managers present? Foul language of this nature is sure to be interpreted as a breach of on-the-job etiquette and is likely to reflect unfavourably on your class.
Remember your responsibilities. Filthy minds will ruin this country. We have worked extremely hard to overcome our image as the Toilet Republic. But we need to keep up the good work. It is only by watching our p's and q's — and by not using the "s" word — that tomorrow will dawn brighter than today.
By Dave Riley